Imitation of Life

. F r a g i l e . by ~Nonnetta on deviantART

I came across the artwork above on deviantART.  I love this picture. I realize I have been just like the little character... heart in a fragile little glass jar for protection, being carried very carefully by me who protects both the glass and the heart.  Tiptoeing around people and issues. Hiding from social functions and friends because it might be painful if my friends do not approve of me.  I liken that to what would happen if the jar opens and something gets in.  What happens when you throw the jar on the floor yourself?  Maybe you get tired of carrying it, or realize you cannot protect the contents forever. 

After reading the book "Co-Dependent No More" I realized I was in several co-dependent relationships... the first and the strongest with my mother, and the second and most destructive with my fiance'. 

I had struggled for years with my very domineering mother who controlled my life even into adulthood.  Her primary concern was "Did you think about me...".  If I disobeyed it was what about her, if I stayed out late, what about her, I got pregnant in College... did I think about her... (Now you know damn well laying on my back I never once thought about her!!). When I met my fiance' I was so anxious to get away from my mom I didn't think about my mother at all.  I looked at this man, who paid so much attention to me and fell instantly in love.  

What a mess this was destined to be.  I was so in love, and so desperate to get out, I ignored the fact that this man was hiding a huge secret and leaking details all the way!!!  Turns out Mr. Wonderful was a parolee with a Felony Murder conviction, which he conveniently mentioned as "teenage rebellion".  More to come!  :)